In any relationship, most of all romantic relationships – conflict is inevitable. It could be something thoughtless said, a broken promise, or worse transgressions, but eventually, couples will hurt each other.
But what separates healthy, lasting relationships from those that are breaking up is often one firm but hard choice: forgiveness.
Why Forgiveness Matters in a Relationship
Forgiveness isn’t about lying to yourself and saying the wound never happened or allowing your partner to “get away” with their actions.
It’s about releasing the burden of anger, healing your own heart, and giving your relationship the chance to become. Hanging onto anger may seem righteous, but it constructs fences between two souls meant to be one.
The Bible says a lot about forgiveness – its necessity, not necessarily as a spiritual thing, but as a relational thing. Here is what Ephesians 4:32 says:
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
This verse doesn’t apply just to friendships and church relationships but to romantic relationships and marriage as well. We forgive not because the spouse is deserving, but because God forgave us since we weren’t deserving either.
Jesus’ Model of Forgiveness
There may be the ultimate model of forgiveness in Jesus Himself. While nailed to the cross, having been betrayed and embarrassed, He said:
“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34)
This moment of remembrance always tells us that forgiveness is not driven by emotions or circumstances but by decision-making out of love.
If Jesus forgave in the most painful moment of His life, then we are bound to do the same – even in our relationships.
The Healing That Comes with Forgiveness
When you forgive your husband or wife, you begin the doorway to healing and restoration. You also save your own heart from bitterness. Hebrews 12:15 warns us:
“See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Bitterness does not just graze one side of your relationship – it touches all conversation, all interaction, and eventually destroys the love you once had.
Forgiveness brings up bitterness. It says, “I’m choosing grace over revenge, love over pride, us over them.”
Forgiveness Is a Process
Let’s be honest: forgiving your partner isn’t always a simple one-time decision. It may be something you need to do day after day after day as your heart catches back up to your spirit.
It doesn’t mean there aren’t consequences, and it doesn’t mean staying in an unsafe or abusive relationship is acceptable. But for couples who really want healing, forgiveness generally is the first and best step.
Colossians 3:13 commands us:
Be gentle with each other, and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against a brother or sister. Forgiveness as the Lord forgave you.
Final Thoughts
Relationship forgiveness is not weak; it’s one of the greatest acts of love you can show. It’s not forgetting what happened, but building a future. With our lens as Scripture, we know to forgive is divine – because it defines the heart of God.
If it is difficult for you to forgive your lover today, pray for the strength. Call on God to enable you to view them in his eyes. May the grace be the foundation of your love just as it is the foundation of our relationship with God.
Remember: Forgiveness does not erase the past but changes the future. And sometimes, it’s the very thing that sustains love.
